HOT WATAH.COM
The Official Home Page of Brad, the Hot Watah Boy
Brockton, MA (origin) → Wareham, MA (current containment zone)
Welcome, traveler. You have found the only website on Earth about a plumber, a door guy, a security guard, a mechanic, a retired band manager, a fisherman, and a reader. They are all the same very large man, and he has not been told about this website yet.
(All of them are Brad, checking if the site is still up.)
About Brad
Brad was born in Brockton, Massachusetts, the City of Champions, and now lives in Wareham, the City of Brad. He is a very large man with a very large beard, and he is as hairy as a bear. This is not a figure of speech. If you see him in the woods your thoughts will go: bear, then oh, Brad, then wait, are those the same thing?
| Hometown | Brockton, MA (City of Champions) |
|---|---|
| Current location | Wareham, MA |
| Beard | Yes. Has applied for its own zip code. |
| Hairiness | Bear |
| Size | Very large. Please allow extra time to load. |
| Day jobs | Plumber, mechanic, door guy, security. Four hats. Same hat. |
| Favorite band | The Acacia Strain |
| Hobbies | Metal, fishing, reading, looking around, standing near loud things |
| Aliases | The Hot Watah Boy, Big Bearded Guy, Owner of TAH (retired) |
| Favorite vehicle | 2004 Chevy Tahoe (deceased) |
| Feeling in feet | Unconfirmed |
| Most recent catch | A minnow (juvenile) |
How He Got The Name
In the beginning there was a basement, and in the basement there was a brand new hot watah heatah. Brad had just installed it at Andrew and Emily's house, because Brad is a professional. All that remained was to test it.
Brad stood in the basement. The people who could turn on a faucet were upstairs. And so, with the full power of his lungs and the confidence of a man holding a wrench, Brad roared up the stairs:
"YOU GOT ANY HOT WATAH?!?"
Nobody remembers the answer. Nobody needed it. The sentence was so loud, so perfect, and so often repeated that it became his name forever, the way a Viking becomes Erik the Red, except Erik the Red never tested a water heater. The heater has probably been replaced since. The name has not.
Try it yourself
Get your own plumber nickname
The Incident
Years later, fate wrote a sequel. Brad broke his foot and spent about two years off it, a period historians call the Stationary Era. Eventually he was issued a big freaking boot, and the doctor said, "Try an Epsom salt bath." Five normal words, from a normal doctor, to a patient he believed was normal.
But Brad is a plumber who cannot feel his feet very well, which makes him the only man in Massachusetts who sets a bath temperature by pure vibes. He ran the watah. He ran it hot. Then he ran it hotter, because why not. The foot stayed completely calm the whole time, like a polite guest at a house fire. The foot found out later. The doctor's follow-up note read: "I said bath, not soup."
With one bath, the nickname went from a funny story to a prophecy. Every plumber has a war story. This is the only one where the war was with a bathtub, and the bathtub won.
The Hot Watah Meter
Real tip, with love: a bath thermometer costs about five bucks. Happy birthday, big guy.
2026 Striped Bass Report
Brad fishes for striped bass off the shore. He does it with the patience of a monk and the optimism of a man who has been told the fish are biting for twenty years. This year the ocean has stopped returning his calls. The official numbers:
We asked the minnow for comment. He said he was "just happy to be here." He has since been released and is doing numbers on the tour circuit.
Days left in 2026 to catch a striped bass: 89. It's fall run season. The fish are literally migrating past you right now. Please. Go.
Go fishing (a very realistic simulation)
Tap or click anywhere in the water to cast. Aim at what you want. There are minnows, boots, and a lot of Brad's missing stuff down there. There are also striped bass, and they can read.
Hall of Fame (proof he can do it)
Brad's fishing tip: the fish are definitely there. They just haven't met you yet.
Careers and Accomplishments
Door Guy (local shows)
The first face you see, the hand that stamps your hand, and the reason you are wearing a wristband. Has heard "I'm on the list" more times than the band has played its closer.
Security (bigger shows)
Same energy, bigger room, more flashlight. The barricade is not strictly necessary. People respect the beard.
Plumber
"You got any hot watah?" Yes, this is where it came from. The only plumber whose nickname is also a safety warning.
Mechanic
Can diagnose a transmission from six feet away. Could not save his own. The cobbler's kids have no shoes; the mechanic's Tahoe has no gears.
Previous Experience
Former manager of Eminent, a band from Rhode Island. Duties included loading gear, finding the venue, arguing with the sound guy, and being the only adult in a 40-foot radius. Compensation: pizza, exposure, and the quiet satisfaction of being the only person who knew where the camper keys were.
Skills
Beard. Watah. Lifting. Standing very still. Heckler removal. Stamping hands. "One more song." Reading at his favorite coffee shop. Looking at a fish that is not there (see: report).
Brad Reads
Brad reads. Constantly. The stack of books next to his bed is structurally load-bearing. Librarians nod at him in the street. He has read more books than he has caught fish this year, which is not a high bar, but it is a bar.
reading_comprehension = HIGH
fishing_results = LOW
fishing_attitude = UNBEATABLE
beard_status = STILL GOING
Brad Loves Metal
Brad's favorite band is The Acacia Strain. He listens at a volume that meteorologists have started tracking. For Brad, a good day is a heavy riff, a heavier breakdown, and a floor that has been informed.
He is also, professionally, the guy who stands at the door of the heaviest rooms in the area. Local shows get the door guy. Bigger shows get the security guy. Both guys are him, and both guys are wearing a black shirt, because the dress code is black shirt. "Support Heavy Music," says the shirt, and he does, from a position of strength.
Drop a breakdown
Try to get into the show
Turned away: 0. Let in: 0. Asked to stand somewhere else: 0.
The Beard
Brad posted a progress update on his beard with the hashtag #gravebeforeshave. That is a vow. Legally it is not a vow, but in Massachusetts, a man's hashtag is his word. We are simply holding him to it.
Year 2026: 2.0 feet of beard. The beard is now a scarf.
Ask the Beard
The beard has seen things. It knows things. Ask it a yes-or-no question about Brad's future, then consult it.
The Brad Photo Album
In Loving Memory of TAH
In the cartoon, TAHOE loses the OE again and becomes TAH again. This is canon.
TAH, 2004 – 2026
TAH was born a 2004 Chevy Tahoe, and for a while he was a Tahoe. Then the "OE" fell off, was never seen again, and everyone just called him TAH. It stuck. Some names do. (See: Brad.)
TAH passed away recently when his transmission decided it had seen enough. He is survived by Brad, one very sad driveway, and the OE, last seen leaving the scene in a hurry. Cause of death: transmission. Last words: "clunk... clunk... clunnnk."
In lieu of flowers, please send a transmission.
0 candles lit. TAH is waiting.
Brad's BFFs (Forever)
Brad has two best friends, and they built this entire website. Photographic evidence of the friendship follows. Brad is in every photo. The friends are in most of them. Nobody has ever blinked at the same time.
photos_where_brad_caught_a_bass = 0/9
friends_who_built_this_website = 2
friends_who_will_never_let_him_forget_the_boot = 2
friendship_status = LOCKED IN